Posted on
Thursday 18 March 2010
Mansion of love
pure kindness from your eyes
your beauty is mesmerizing
the vibes from your glance
whispers a story with a dance
loneliness burns my tents of love
my home
my home
I see your smile tho
those pretty eyes tho
the kindness from your heart
feels me up
the tents are up
those tents will never die
you are stronger in your mansion of love
i don't belong
my tents will stay as long as you want
i don't compare with your mansion of loveThis poem is good. I like the line: my tents will stay as long as you want
Very interesting.
Keep up the writing.
I think it's well written, except for the "tents" should be something more of what you feel inside, of emotion, rather than what is on the outside or materialistic to describe your love. Also, the word, "tho" is not a complete word without it being spelled correctly, such as..."though." You might want to change that word and replace it as well. Keep trying, you're on the right track!Interesting, but I wouldn't use the word 'tho' seeing as it is not a word!Its so sweet like a song ,I like the metaphors of tents...always remind me of free mind. Thanks
your beauty does mesmerize?
or
how your beauty does mesmerize#If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.# |
|